Two and a Half Men Episode Guide
Two and a Half Men (2003): season and episode names, recorded air dates and links back to your series checkpoint.
Episode titles can reveal plot details. Recorded air dates are not a promise of availability in every country.
Season 1 · 24 episodes
S1 E1Pilot
23 minS1 E2Big Flappy Bastards
21 minS1 E3Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
21 minS1 E4If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
21 minS1 E5The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
19 minS1 E6Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
21 minS1 E7If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
21 minS1 E8Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
19 minS1 E9Phase One, Complete
21 minS1 E10Merry Thanksgiving
21 minS1 E11Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
20 minS1 E12Camel Filters and Pheromones
21 minS1 E13Sarah Like Puny Alan
20 minS1 E14I Can't Afford Hyenas
21 minS1 E15Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
21 minS1 E16That Was Saliva, Alan
21 minS1 E17Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
20 minS1 E18An Old Flame with a New Wick
21 minS1 E19I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
19 minS1 E20Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
21 minS1 E21No Sniffing, No Wowing
21 minS1 E22My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
21 minS1 E23Just Like Buffalo
21 minS1 E24Can You Feel My Finger?
21 minSeason 2 · 24 episodes
S2 E1Back Off, Mary Poppins
30 minS2 E2Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
30 minS2 E3A Bag Full of Jawea
30 minS2 E4Go Get Mommy's Bra
21 minS2 E5Bad News from the Clinic?
21 minS2 E6The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
21 minS2 E7A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
21 minS2 E8Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
21 minS2 E9Yes, Monsignor
22 minS2 E10The Salmon Under My Sweater
21 minS2 E11Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
21 minS2 E12A Lungful of Alan
21 minS2 E13Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów (Get Off My Hair)
20 minS2 E14Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
21 minS2 E15Smell the Umbrella Stand
21 minS2 E16Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
21 minS2 E17Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!
21 minS2 E18It Was 'Mame', Mom
21 minS2 E19A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
21 minS2 E20I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
21 minS2 E21A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
21 minS2 E22That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
21 minS2 E23Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
20 minS2 E24Does This Smell Funny to You?
20 minSeason 3 · 24 episodes
S3 E1Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
22 minS3 E2Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
22 minS3 E3Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
22 minS3 E4Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
22 minS3 E5We Called It Mr. Pinky
21 minS3 E6Hi, Mr. Horned One
21 minS3 E7Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
22 minS3 E8That Voodoo That I Do Do
21 minS3 E9Madame and Her Special Friend
21 minS3 E10Something Salted and Twisted
22 minS3 E11Santa's Village of the Damned
22 minS3 E12That Special Tug
22 minS3 E13Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
22 minS3 E14Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
22 minS3 E15My Tongue Is Meat
22 minS3 E16Ergo, the Booty Call
22 minS3 E17The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
21 minS3 E18The Spit-Covered Cobbler
21 minS3 E19Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
22 minS3 E20Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
21 minS3 E21And the Plot Moistens
21 minS3 E22Just Once with Aunt Sophie
22 minS3 E23Arguments for the Quickie
22 minS3 E24That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
21 minSeason 4 · 24 episodes
S4 E1Working for Caligula
22 minS4 E2Who Is This Vod Kanockers?
22 minS4 E3The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
21 minS4 E4A Pot-Smokin' Monkey
21 minS4 E5A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
21 minS4 E6Apologies for the Frivolity
20 minS4 E7Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
21 minS4 E8Release the Dogs
22 minS4 E9Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
21 minS4 E10Kissing Abe Lincoln
21 minS4 E11Walnuts and Demerol
21 minS4 E12Castrating Sheep in Montana
21 minS4 E13Don't Worry, Speed Racer
21 minS4 E14That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
22 minS4 E15My Damn Stalker
22 minS4 E16Young People Have Phlegm Too
21 minS4 E17I Merely Slept with a Commie
22 minS4 E18It Never Rains in Hooterville
21 minS4 E19Smooth as a Ken Doll
21 minS4 E20Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
21 minS4 E21Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
22 minS4 E22Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
22 minS4 E23Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'
21 minS4 E24Prostitutes and Gelato
20 minSeason 5 · 19 episodes
S5 E1Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
20 minS5 E2Media Room Slash Dungeon
22 minS5 E3Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
21 minS5 E4City of Great Racks
22 minS5 E5Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
22 minS5 E6Help Daddy Find His Toenail
21 minS5 E7The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
20 minS5 E8Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
20 minS5 E9Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
20 minS5 E10Kinda Like Necrophilia
22 minS5 E11Meander to Your Dander
22 minS5 E12A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
22 minS5 E13The Soil Is Moist
20 minS5 E14Winky-Dink Time
22 minS5 E15Rough Night in Hump Junction
21 minS5 E16Look at Me Mommy, I'm Pretty
22 minS5 E17Fish in a Drawer
21 minS5 E18If My Hole Could Talk
21 minS5 E19Waiting for the Right Snapper
22 minSeason 6 · 24 episodes
S6 E1Taterhead Is Our Love Child
22 minS6 E2Pie Hole, Herb
22 minS6 E3Damn You, Eggs Benedict
22 minS6 E4The Flavin' and the Mavin'
21 minS6 E5A Jock Strap in Hell
22 minS6 E6It's Always Nazi Week
22 minS6 E7Best H.O. Money Can Buy
22 minS6 E8Pinocchio's Mouth
22 minS6 E9The Mooch at the Boo
22 minS6 E10He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
21 minS6 E11The Devil's Lube
22 minS6 E12Thank God for Scoliosis
20 minS6 E13I Think You Offended Don
22 minS6 E14David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
21 minS6 E15I'd Like to Start with the Cat
21 minS6 E16She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
20 minS6 E17The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
20 minS6 E18My Son's Enormous Head
21 minS6 E19The Two Finger Rule
20 minS6 E20Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
22 minS6 E21Above Exalted Cyclops
21 minS6 E22Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
20 minS6 E23Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth
20 minS6 E24Baseball Was Better with Steroids
21 minSeason 7 · 22 episodes
S7 E1818-JKLPUZO
21 minS7 E2Whipped Unto the Third Generation
20 minS7 E3Mmm, Fish. Yum.
19 minS7 E4Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
20 minS7 E5For the Sake of the Child
21 minS7 E6Give Me Your Thumb
20 minS7 E7Untainted by Filth
22 minS7 E8Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
20 minS7 E9Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
21 minS7 E10That's Why They Call It "Ball Room"
20 minS7 E11Warning, It's Dirty
19 minS7 E12Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
22 minS7 E13Yay, No Polyps!
20 minS7 E14Crude and Uncalled For
21 minS7 E15Aye, Aye, Captain Douche
22 minS7 E16Tinkle Like a Princess
21 minS7 E17I Found Your Moustache
21 minS7 E18Ixnay on the Oggie Day
21 minS7 E19Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
18 minS7 E20I Called Him Magoo
21 minS7 E21Gumby with a Pokey
21 minS7 E22This Is Not Gonna End Well
21 minSeason 8 · 16 episodes
S8 E1Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
21 minS8 E2A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
21 minS8 E3A Pudding-Filled Cactus
21 minS8 E4Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
21 minS8 E5The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
21 minS8 E6Twanging Your Magic Clanger
21 minS8 E7The Crazy Bitch Gazette
19 minS8 E8Springtime on a Stick
21 minS8 E9A Good Time in Central Africa
21 minS8 E10Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
19 minS8 E11Dead from the Waist Down
21 minS8 E12Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
21 minS8 E13Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
21 minS8 E14Lookin' for Japanese Subs
21 minS8 E15Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
21 minS8 E16That Darn Priest
19 minSeason 9 · 24 episodes
S9 E1Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
21 minS9 E2People Who Love Peepholes
21 minS9 E3Big Girls Don't Throw Food
20 minS9 E4Nine Magic Fingers
21 minS9 E5A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
20 minS9 E6The Squat and Hover
21 minS9 E7Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
19 minS9 E8Thank You for the Intercourse
21 minS9 E9Frodo's Headshots
21 minS9 E10A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
21 minS9 E11What a Lovely Landing Strip
20 minS9 E12One False Move, Zimbabwe!
21 minS9 E13Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
20 minS9 E14A Possum on Chemo
20 minS9 E15The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
21 minS9 E16Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
20 minS9 E17Not in My Mouth!
19 minS9 E18The War Against Gingivitis
21 minS9 E19Palmdale, Ech
21 minS9 E20Grandma's Pie
21 minS9 E21Mr. Hose Says "Yes"
21 minS9 E22Why We Gave Up Women
21 minS9 E23The Straw in My Donut Hole
21 minS9 E24Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
21 minSeason 10 · 23 episodes
S10 E1I Changed My Mind About the Milk
21 minS10 E2A Big Bag of Dog
20 minS10 E3Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
21 minS10 E4You Do Know What the Lollipop's For
21 minS10 E5That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
20 minS10 E6Ferrets, Attack!
20 minS10 E7Avoid the Chinese Mustard
21 minS10 E8Something My Gynecologist Said
21 minS10 E9I Scream When I Pee
20 minS10 E10One Nut Johnson
21 minS10 E11Give Santa a Tail-Hole
22 minS10 E12Welcome to Alancrest
22 minS10 E13Grab a Feather and Get in Line
21 minS10 E14Run, Steven Staven! Run!
21 minS10 E15Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
21 minS10 E16Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
21 minS10 E17Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
21 minS10 E18The 9:04 from Pemberton
21 minS10 E19Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
21 minS10 E20Bazinga! That's from a TV Show
21 minS10 E21Another Night with Neil Diamond
21 minS10 E22My Bodacious Vidalia
21 minS10 E23Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
22 minSeason 11 · 22 episodes
S11 E1Nangnangnangnang
21 minS11 E2I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
21 minS11 E3This Unblessed Biscuit
22 minS11 E4Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
21 minS11 E5Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
21 minS11 E6Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
21 minS11 E7Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
21 minS11 E8Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
21 minS11 E9Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
21 minS11 E10On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!
21 minS11 E11Tazed in the Lady Nuts
21 minS11 E12Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
21 minS11 E13Bite Me, Supreme Court
21 minS11 E14Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe
21 minS11 E15Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
21 minS11 E16How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
21 minS11 E17Welcome Home, Jake
21 minS11 E18West Side Story
21 minS11 E19Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
22 minS11 E20Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
21 minS11 E21Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
21 minS11 E22Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
21 minSeason 12 · 16 episodes
S12 E1The Ol' Mexican Spinach
21 minS12 E2A Chic Bar in Ibiza
21 minS12 E3Glamping in a Yurt
21 minS12 E4Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
21 minS12 E5Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
21 minS12 E6Alan Shot a Little Girl
21 minS12 E7Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
21 minS12 E8Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
21 minS12 E9Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
21 minS12 E10Here I Come, Pants!
21 minS12 E11For Whom the Booty Calls
21 minS12 E12A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
21 minS12 E13Boompa Loved His Hookers
21 minS12 E14Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
21 minS12 E15Of Course He's Dead (1)
18 minS12 E16Of Course He's Dead (2)
21 min